2025-09-13 SCYP Blending Meeting – Parents (JK, MN)

Brother James’s Fellowship

Okay, well, I’m going to be the bad guy and start, and then Brother Mark will pick up the pieces at the end. This fellowship, I’d like to start with two data points to stir us up a little bit—not to consider what we’re doing in a routine way.

On Wednesday, Brother Ron shared something about how we can be in a routine church life: a routine service, a routine life. That kind of routine, where we’re just going through the motions—we’ve been in the church life for a while, we’re in the meetings, and we might just think, “Everything’s okay. Everything’s going on.” But we really shouldn’t think that way. And for sure, we shouldn’t be ignorant of Satan’s devices.

So consider this. I’m just speaking from my heart, our heart, to you. Here are the two data points I’d like to mention.

Data Point 1: Suicides Among Young People

In the last three months, among the churches in North and Central America, we’ve had three suicides. Three church kids. One of the sisters who took her life was the daughter of a leading one. Another young brother who took his life—his brother right now is in the full-time training. Could you imagine? One family has a son in the full-time training, and another child took his life.

About 12 years ago in our locality, a young brother also took his life. His older brother has been serving full-time for almost 10 years. My point is: don’t think this can’t happen. Don’t think, “I’m in the church life, I’m going on, it won’t touch us.” There’s a desperate need, and there’s an intense, targeted attack toward the lives of our young ones—to make them feel they’re not worthy, that there’s no hope, that their life doesn’t matter or count. That’s one extreme. That’s the first data point.

Data Point 2: The Decline in Training Numbers

On the other hand, let me mention something else. This fall term of the full-time training has one of the lowest numbers of new trainees in history—other than during COVID. Just 69. Among the returning trainees (first, second, and third terms), 29 left. That’s also nearly an all-time high for dropouts.

Now, look around this room: there are about 200 parents here, and that means roughly 600 kids from Southern California are represented. Every year, about 125–150 church kids graduate from high school here. By college graduation age, about 125 of them should be available for the training. But this year, only 16 or 17 came. Out of 125, only 10 percent. For every 10, only one is coming.

Yes, some may be working, in grad school, or planning to come later. But still—that number should cause us to consider our way and what values we, as parents and serving ones, are instilling in our kids. We’ve even heard of kids who want to come, but their parents say, “No, don’t go. You need to go to graduate school. You need to get a job.”

So I ask openly: would you be willing to let your son or daughter go and serve the Lord?

God, Education, and Character

Brother Lee often spoke of “God, education, and character.” But I fear that for many of us, especially among Asian families, education has become first place. Who or what is first in your family? Do we seek first God? Do we give God first place? Is His kingdom first? Or is education first?

We spend thousands on tutors to get our kids into the best schools, but do we realize we might be opening the door for them to drift straight out of the church life?

One mother came to me in tears. All three of her kids went to Ivy League schools. One renounced the faith. The second stopped meeting. The third? To be determined. This was a faithful family in the church life. But they relentlessly pushed their children in extracurriculars, non-profits, “passion projects.” Brother Lee did say we should get the top education. But don’t forget what he said next: “After you get the top education, give it all up and serve the Lord full time.”

Where You Go Is Not Who You Will Be

There’s a book I use in a college readiness class at Acacia Wood called Where You Go Is Not Who You Will Be. It exposes the unhealthy connection in society between self-worth—both parents’ and kids’—and the prestige of the school name.

Yes, one of my kids went to an Ivy League school. But by the Lord’s mercy, that child is now in the full-time training. Still, I wrestled with it. After all the money spent, I thought, “You owe me. Get a job, then go to training.”

But my other child went to junior college. Would we be okay if our kids went to Fullerton College? Or would that offend our pride? Saints, forget about your pride. This is life and death. Of course, we want our kids to do their best within their capacity. But that could mean a state school, a junior college, or a trade school—wherever the Lord leads.

And remember, many top leaders didn’t come from elite schools. The CEO of Apple? Auburn University in Alabama. The CEO of Microsoft? University of Wisconsin. Walmart’s CEO? University of Arkansas. President Obama started at Occidental. President Trump at Fordham before UPenn. It’s not about the name of the school. The real question: who or what is first in our household? First love? The kingdom? Or education and prestige?

A Starbucks Church Life

Brother Ron once warned that in Southern California, many second-generation saints are being raised in a “Starbucks church life.” Comfortable, affluent, but double-living. Our kids drive Teslas, have iPhones, MacBooks, branded clothes—while some of us grew up with Goodwill hand-me-downs. Are we raising kids who are “at ease in Zion,” like Moab in Jeremiah 48:11, never emptied from vessel to vessel, unchanged in taste and scent?

This generation is gifted at adapting. They can be with church friends, call on the Lord, and testify. But as soon as the meeting ends, they slip back into Netflix, streaming, games. Saints, every year more than 15 of our kids should be going to the training. That’s not the end-all, but it is an indicator. Are we raising a generation at ease, or pursuing Christ absolutely?

Responding to the Lord’s Call

The world situation is always an indicator of God’s move. Wars, chaos, violence—they show God wants to do something. And He always calls the young generation. Dear saints, let us as parents not be in the way. Let us reconsider our ways. Let’s not become routine, content, middle-aged, passive, letting the young ones do it all. Until we die, let us remain burning in spirit.

I spoke recently to an 83-year-old brother in Nashville. He shared the gospel with four neighbors this past year; two or three were saved. He’s 83. How many neighbors have I preached to lately? Saints, in this new school year, let’s have a fresh start, a new consecration. These 600 kids here are all our kids. May the Lord gain each and every one.

The Enemy’s Strategy: Digital Occupation

Now, I have one more “bad thing” to share with you about the enemy’s strategy. By the way, this is part one of three fellowships we’re going to have. Next Saturday, we’ll have two more in Fullerton. I hope you can come.

The enemy promotes two extremes:

1. To give your life for something else.
2. To feel your life is vanity, worthless, nothing.

And the main tool he uses is this topic we’ll now cover. I have 42 slides to go through in 30 minutes. Here we go.

Redeeming the Time

Let’s read Ephesians: Paul’s word to the Ephesians—and to us—is that time is so precious, and we need to be purposeful. We must be intentional with our time. If we don’t redeem it, if we’re not exercised with our young people to lay hold of it, we lose it quickly. Be intentional with your time. Amen?

All Things Lawful, But…

In 1 Corinthians, Paul draws a contrast between food and fornication. There are things available to us that are lawful. But although lawful, they can bring us under their power—under occupation, under usurpation. And nowhere do we see this more than in the digital age.

Everyone watches what goes into their stomach these days—keto, vegan, no red meat. But who watches what goes into the head? Who is watching what our kids are ingesting? Many times unsupervised, unregulated.

Since 2007, the most pervasive addiction in history has spread: the smartphone. Over half the world uses it daily. It causes anxiety, depression, suicide, especially among young girls. It causes 3,000 deaths a day from texting and driving. Like every addictive thing, it spikes dopamine—making you feel good, making you do it over and over.

The Timeline of a Life

Every bubble on this chart represents 30 days of life. If your child lives to be 90, this is their lifespan. At first, they think, “Wow, I have a lot of time.”

But look closer:

• 288 months are spent sleeping.
• 126 months at school or work.
• 18 months sitting in a car.
• 36 months cooking and eating.
• 36 months on chores.
• 27 months on bathroom hygiene.

That leaves 334 “free” months. But here’s the kicker: the average teenager spends 7.5 hours a day on screens—phones, Chromebooks, Netflix, games. That time almost completely swallows their free life. Where is the church? Where is the Bible? Where is personal time with the Lord? Gone. Fully usurped.

How We Got Here

In the 1980s: big clunky computers.
1990s–2000s: the internet.
Early 2000s: mobile phones.
2007: the iPhone.
2009–2010: the explosion of social media—Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok.

These world-changing products invaded our lives. And companies, bent on profit, denied the mental health effects. They obscured the truth, ran PR campaigns to highlight “benefits.”

But consider this: Steve Jobs didn’t let his kids have smartphones until high school. Mark Zuckerberg didn’t let his kids use Meta accounts or smartphones early. Why? If the inventors themselves withheld them, shouldn’t we be cautious?

A New Law in California

Just two days ago, California passed a law (subject to court challenges). Beginning in 2027, social media companies must display warnings, like cigarette warnings. Ten seconds when you log in: “This could be hazardous to your health.” After three hours: a 30-second warning. If even the progressive state of California acknowledges this, it says something.

The Adolescent Brain

Especially for boys, the frontal cortex—responsible for self-control, planning, problem solving, motivation—is not fully developed until age 25. Bombarding it with constant digital stimulation stunts and warps development. Preteens are especially vulnerable; very few can self-regulate.

Smartphones by Age 11

By age 11, most U.S. kids have a smartphone. One family I know told their kids: “No phone until 16.” Instead, they go mountain biking, play sports, do activities. Their kids are happy and fulfilled. Do 11- or 12-year-olds really need a smartphone? Probably not.

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying, “Take away the cell phone.” We live in a technological society. They need it to communicate with coaches, teachers, parents. But—handle with care.

The Shift from Play to Phones

Before the iPhone, kids played outside—sports, forts, bikes, trees. They learned cooperation, social skills, problem-solving. Today, all of that is being replaced by phone-based childhood. We have overprotection in the real world (“don’t go outside, it’s dangerous”) and underprotection in the virtual world.

By 2016, nearly 80% of American teens had a smartphone. Today, it’s even higher. They spend 7–9 hours a day on Netflix, YouTube, social media, games, pornography.

Effects on Society

The data from 15–18 years shows:

1. Poor Sleep – Instead of waking up saying, “Lord Jesus, I love You,” the first thought is the phone. Kids stay up late unsupervised. Some parents turn off the internet at night—wise practice.
2. Depression – A 145% increase among girls, 161% among boys. Studies show 2 out of 3 high schoolers experience bouts of depression.
3. Anxiety – Especially in ages 18–25. Girls who spend 5+ hours daily on social media are three times more likely to be depressed.
4. Self-harm – ER visits for self-harm among girls have risen nearly 200% since 2005.
5. Loneliness – Especially affecting females.
6. Failure to Launch (boys) – Many lose motivation, disconnected from reality, invested only in the virtual world. They compare themselves to influencers and athletes, think “I’ll never be like that,” and stop striving.
7. Pornography – With just a few clicks, boys especially can access immoral sites. No regulation. A growing epidemic.
8. Suicide – The trends we saw earlier are tied to digital occupation.

Brother Mark’s Fellowship

Out of curiosity, is there anyone here who does not own a smartphone? Anyone? Everyone has one? Okay, then let me ask: who here owns a smartphone? Raise your hand.

Now, keep your hands raised if your phone does not have any feed-based apps—no news apps, no social media, nothing that pushes information to you. Only calls, calendar, and messages. Anyone? If that’s you, you can lower your hand.

The rest of you still have your hands up. Now, how many of you have ever caught yourself “doom-scrolling”—just going through article after article, feed after feed? After half an hour, you realize you’ve been reading nonsense. If that’s ever happened to you, lower your hand.

Now, whoever still has their hand raised, please stand up. These are the ones who have never doom-scrolled, who have only used their phone productively. Anyone? Because if so, I was going to ask you to come up and share your secret. My hand is clearly down!

The truth is—none of us. We all get caught. So, I don’t speak as one perfected in this matter. We all need healing.

As in the Days of Noah

Matthew 24 speaks of the end times: “As in the days of Noah, so shall the days of the Son of Man be.” They were eating, drinking, marrying, giving in marriage—necessities of life. Not evil in themselves, but they were occupied and blinded, unaware of what was coming.

The smartphone is the same. It’s become a necessity of life—you almost can’t survive without it. But Satan takes necessities and turns them into lusts, usurping and occupying man.

So, devices and social media are not inherently evil. They can be very useful. But like Moses’ staff, how we pick it up will determine whether it kills us or supports us for God’s move.

The Key: Honest Fellowship With Our Children

Here’s the point: without honest, transparent fellowship with our children, we don’t stand a chance. Before we can touch their cell phone use, we must touch their hearts.

With my kids, I know that if I touch their phone, I’m touching their identity. Taking away the phone feels like taking away them. So we have to be wise and prudent about how and when we address this matter.

The worst time to implement a family media plan is right after catching them misusing it. That’s when the emotions are high, and it feels like combat. We must wait for the right time, and we must approach with wisdom.

Malachi 4:6 — Turning Hearts

The last verse of the Old Testament, Malachi 4:6, speaks prophetically of the end times: “He will turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers.”

Without our heart turned to our children, especially fathers, we won’t have real communication. Mothers usually already have their hearts turned, but fathers often need help. Only when hearts are mutually turned can we truly shepherd and converse.

Three Practical Points

From a fellowship given at the European Young People’s Conference, three points were shared about turning hearts and building meaningful relationships:

1. Honesty
• If we’re not honest, our children won’t trust us.
• Example: when I take away the phone and say, “You’re on this all the time,” my child responds, “So are you!” My knee-jerk reaction is to justify myself—“I use it for work,” “I’m the parent.”
• But honesty would say: “You’re right. I’ve misused my phone too. I haven’t modeled proper use. How can we help each other bring this serpent under control?”
2. Appreciation (Acknowledgement)
• It’s not right if our kids only hear from us when they do something wrong.
• In some cultures, we avoid praising for fear of spoiling. But our children need acknowledgment.
• Even if one time out of seven they remembered to plug in their phone downstairs at night, we could affirm it: “Thank you for obeying. We appreciate it.” Natural tendency is to focus on the six failures, but appreciation builds trust.
3. Time
• Relationships take time. Studies show:
• Casual acquaintances: 50 hours.
• Meaningful relationships: 90 quality hours.
• Intimate, close relationships (like marriage): 200 hours.
• Driving them to school doesn’t count. Lecturing them doesn’t count. Real conversations, where both sides genuinely listen, do count.
• Without spending real time, we can’t cross from casual to meaningful, where they’ll open their hearts.

A Serious Call

I admit—I’ve failed in all three areas: honesty, appreciation, and time. But the Lord still has a need at the end of this age. He needs parents whose hearts are turned to their children, and children whose hearts are turned to their parents. Only then can we have the conversations necessary—about phones, social media, mental health, and most importantly, God’s purpose.

Next week in Fullerton, we’ll continue with more practical fellowship on helping our children. If you haven’t signed up, please do. The Lord wants to gain something in this generation.